i'm like a fecking hypocrite!! WHY, LELA, WHY do you have to be in the middle of it??

here's some pictures:)
some pictures? i meant 'a picture'. hoho this cracks me up.
momster's not a fan of my wearing dad's old jerseys. especially during this month. she said it scares her. HA HA. come on..... do i have a physique of a 40-year-old man!? seriously.

the end for now.
Someone special blogged @ 10:56 PM l

HE's like a fecking a hypocrite!!!! AAARGH. WHY, YOU, WHY.

i am silly i am petty i am paranoid i think too much then i get work up.

hey, i'm a girl i believe i'm allowed.

another picture!

i always turn to my cats when guys give me shit:D
Someone special blogged @ 11:59 AM l

bad day today. been running to the toilet, clutching my buttcheeks. speaking of butt cheeks.

in the ward, i'm known for my composure. which surprises me because i never thought i was that sort. oh you know, that sort. "did you say my hair's on fire?" -walks to a fire extinguisher, poses with fire extinguisher, then sprays all over head like spraying cologne. "okay so where were we before, you know, my hair caught on fire?"

i remember sriee told me once, "lela, promise me when there's an earthquake you will run for your life. okay?" she said that because i was always strolling, taking my time, smelling the roses on the way(meaning checking out guys) and all that jazz. oh i miss the 14-year-old me. but yea!

let me quote yuwen: "you very relaxed de. you talk also, like very steady pom pi pi." at first i thought she was being sarcastic. so i went, "are you saying i very heck-care!?" i love this job okay? i love taking care of people:D so i may have a problem with the commode and sometimes i didn't check if the stetoscope was working and i would shriek: "i can't hear anything from this man!!!!" i am a klutz! until:

now let me quote what the lecturer had written on my Learning Guide: "very composed in her delivery of care." i think she's got cluelessness confused with composure. HA HA. anyhoo, that means i'm good, either way. i fool everyone.

okay la i'm not totally clueless :) i know what i'm doing around the ward. i think i'm the most sane there, of all places. so it's all cool. yea i'm cool. i'm COMPOSED:D yea it makes sense now. when you're sane, and you're sane when you know you're doing the stuff you have passion for, then you think straighter(HAHA) because you know this is serious shit and all the irrelevent things you flush down the toilet bowl. (you should see me at the utility room! i rock that room!!)

so i'm a klutz, but darn good at it....no not good but COMPOSED... that it doesn't look like i'm being one. HA HA.

weird :D!!!!!

so when do 'buttcheeks' come into the picture? ahahaha. you see, there was this guy and he needed to seriously open his bowel. so i happened to be there. talk about wrong timing HAHA. and he wanted me to send him to the toilet. so i went to get the commode. and you know how i am with the commode.

then i heard something which sent shivers down my spine: "EH HURRY LA. HURRY. COMING OUT ALREADY!" from far i could see him tossing and turning on the bed, clutching his butt. so i panicked for 3 seconds and then carried the damn commode to his bed.

okay no i didn't. hahahahhahaha!!!

i still needed to transfer this old guy from the bed to the commode, which wouldn't be so bad if 1)he didn't have so many plugs and 2)he would stop groaning about 'it' coming out and cooperate with me. but i managed! he didn't though! he was farting along the way and soiled his pants so bad, the one fainting would be me.

but i maintained professionalism. ..and yelled for help as i pushed him down and to the toilet.

okay now I need the toilet. LATERS!
Someone special blogged @ 11:01 AM l

syak is especially annoying today. but i can't tell her off. because 1)it's the fasting month and we're suppose to practise patience(HA HA) and 2)it's her 12th birthday.

in this family, if it's your birthday, you get the priviledge and the luxury to do whatever you want to do and get away with it:D!!! yea. it's practically like an annual ticket to open all gates of hell.

"what did you get for your sister today?" momster asked and honestly, i was a little flustered. like what kind of question was that???? i mean, i didn't go out at all. so i couldn't get to get her anything.

"did you even wish her happy birthday?" she went on.

i didn't. "i meant to!"

"you're a horrible sister, ela!"

:O!!!!!!!! at least i'm not annoying! like momster was this morning:

syak got out of the bathroom, hair drenched and butt freezing and there was the mother, singing off key: "happy birthday to you! happy birthday to you! happy birthday to syakila! happy birthday to you!"

i stood by to watch and laugh at her expression.

"MOMMEY. can't this wait!!!" she was saying as she ran into the room. momster was STILL singing after her even when the door was shut in her face.

no, i don't think syak was being rude. she was just embarrassed. like i would be if my mother sang happy birthday on top of her lungs on my 12th birthday. read: 12. not 2!

but okay la. it was heartwarming....... :) and FUNNY!!!!!!!!!

i bet she didn't mean it when she said i was horrible. i forgive her. she's having a toothache la.

:D!!!!!
Someone special blogged @ 9:25 PM l

i realised i haven't really share with you guys my 2 weeks at CGH :D how could i? tsk tsk tsk.

communication is a big deal in nursing: with colleagues during passing reports, with patients 24/7. and that's something i kind of suck at, unless they speak english. most of these people are mandarin-speaking and i know nuts about mandarin except "wo hen xi huan ni". and that phrase has nothing to do with anything...........

so it kind of sucked even bad when i grew a zit on my face. ..grew a zit? that sounds crazy. okay scratch that! there was a zit on my face! and it was pretty big and ugly! all zits are pretty big and ugly! it made my day miserable because being constantly with people, i'd hate to have a zit come between my communication with my patients and colleages.

every morning i prayed it'd disappear but every morning it only got bigger. i got a shock every time i looked in the mirror and judging from the faces of my patients, they were too.

"wahh. jerawat banyak besar hor..(what big pimple you have there..)"
".....MAGGIE. this patient's all yours!!!!!!!"

glad to say the zit is gone now! HA HA. so moving on.

i've also learnt that you cannot do things on your own when it comes to duties in the ward. no man is an island. no nurse is a lone ranger. i learnt this the hard way:

i was trying to push this patient upwards; one hand just underneath his shoulder and the other gripping tightly onto his pants just at the hip. my knees were bent and the bed was my mid thigh. damn miss ong taught me well. how you like me now!?

so i went on and said to the patient in my best missy tone, "okay, mr. austin. i am going to move you on the count of 3. one, two, threeeeeeee." my whole body moved, but the patient refused to move along with me.

move it, damn it! i was saying under my breath. why wouldn't you move!? ..because he fractured his neck of humerus and couldn't cooperate with me. and because he is kind of heavy......

"okay one more time, alright? one two threeeeee!!!" nuh uh. he didn't even budge. okay go ahead. laugh at me.

an enrolled nurse came to my rescue. and everything was well after that. "always call for someone when you need help with lifting or shifting patients," she said in her thick indian accent. "yar?"

i gave her a thumbs-up. it has been my trademark in the ward. until i realised doing it to patients seemed quite insensitive....

this guy came back from the operation theater, eyes swollen and head and arms bandaged and plugs on both hands. and i kind of stood by his bed and gave him a thumbs-up. i felt stupid after that.... but hey, my intentions were good!

i guess it depends on who i did that to. this old guy, he always responded to my thumbs-up with a nod of acknowledgement or a toothless grin. ....or a requeast for the urinal.

there were all kinds of people i came across in my 2 weeks at CGH. that's what makes it such a memorable and aweshum experience.

that shall be another entry:D HAHA. sorry la. but i'm trying to keep my posts short and sweet. work with me here okay? and come again tomorrow. thanks you :D
Someone special blogged @ 9:16 PM l

hannan brought me to Cathay today. we had b&j's!!!! before that, i almost died making my way to town. i'm talking about the crowd. insane, i tell you. where do these people come from, seriously!!! :D

it's still new, the building. Cathay, that is. some parts are still empty. yet there still were people and stuff. the ben&jerry's cafe/restaurant(?) is such a cosy little place :) and they have little tables and little seats... we took the corner one, in view of passer-by. we made silly faces, not really AT them. more like, just for the sake of being silly. frivolous, we were.

have i mentioned that he has an 11-year-old sister whose name is Syakirah? i found out today that her birthday's on the 26th of september!? my youngest sister turns 12 on the 27th and her name is Syakila?! coincidence!!?!!! HA HA. so that amused us for 2 minutes before we went off talking about john mayer.

speaking of john mayer.. they played his song Daughters. so we were quiet as we listened to the words to his song: "i knew a girl. she puts the colours inside of my world..." sang mayer. it was perfect, the moment.

then we murdered it by mockingly exclaiming: "...ceh, jiwangg seh!!!"

so hannan had brownie special: chocolate fudge ice cream with m&m toppings and brownies:D i had cookie cookie special: cherry garcia ice cream with caramel and thousand islands. oh of course, and cookies. indulging on ice cream(and not just any ice cream) with your great friend plus cool music at the background in such a hip environment. what more can a girl ask for?

the brownies were to die for!! the first few bites, at least. after a while, it was a bit hard to swallow......:D we got high on sugar after that:D the cookies were perfect. and so was the company :D

then a band came to perform!! yea, at the tiny cafe/restaurant(?), there is also a little space where bands can perform. yea, really. as in, little. we saw a drum set and we were like, ooohh i hope a band comes down and play today! and one did! with leandra at vocals :D

"hey isn't she that girl.... fantasia, is it? from singapore idol?"
"...fantasia?"
"yea."
"......you mean leandra."
"......yea leandra." embarrassed, but recovered quickly. "leandra fantasia right?:D"
"no i don't think so, hannan!?" amused!

they were good, the band. it's called Prior to Everything.they're good :) well, they didn't suck. haha! they did a cover of Sweet Child Of Mine. one of my all time faves:D leandra's got an aweshum voice la. haha. but i'm sure everybody knows that already.

after that first song, she was like, "okay. you guys know (the song)Torn?" then hannan and i were like, "!!!!!!!!!!!!!" because it was his personal favourite(:D) and he's been trying to sing that song and hit the crazy notes......

leandra smiled at me. no, it's no biggie really. i mean i'm sure she smiles at everyone. HAHA. but hannan was like :O he was even more :O when the emcee smiled at me too. like, do you know each other? that sort. HAHA. just the day before he was like:

"what does it mean when a stranger smiles at you?"
"...nothing, probably?"
"damn. a hot girl smiled at me today."
"yea? strangers smile at ME all the time. it's nothing."

it wasn't really a lie, nor was it an entire truth:D because i noticed something.. people tend to like, awknowledge me. as in, when i have the uniform on. especially old people. they would like, give me a small nod or a quick smile....and i would be like, raised brows and eventually smiled somewhat skeptically.

no, nothing against smiles from strangers. if anything, i'm all about it. haha! just that........ wow, nurses are powerful people eh:D

i don't feel powerful though. especially when i'm pushing the commode/wheelchair. i guess i suck at controling/maneuvering!!!!!!! i kept knocking into things. it was super embarrassing sometimes!!!! i'd be like, "okay uncle, hold tightly, because this is going to be one hell of a ride." took a deep breath, ensured desmond or salihini weren't anywhere near me to mock me, and then zoomed(slowly) to the toilet. of course, hitting things on the way. and running over people's foot.... tsk.

caution! me with the commode spells Accident Prone. stay clear away of this year 1 student nurse from nyp! :D i miss the ward.

i have a problem with hannan like i have a problem with tall people. whenever we walk and talk at the same time, at one point they(tall people) would go like huh?? what??? and peer down at me and i would glare up at them, exasperated. what, now i have to repeat myself all over again???! (somtimes that happened even when i wasn't speaking!)

either i have to raise my voice to the point of screaming, which wouldn't be nice, or he would have to have his ear to my face 24/7, which also wouldn't be nice!? haha!? already the place was crowded, i wouldn't want to increase his chances of getting trampled by the stampede.

oh also i kanna elbowed by him like half a dozen times!? it was that crowded, we were pratically squashed together. and he's like a juicy ham and i'm like a slice of bacon, and whack, went his elbow against my scrawny shoulder. OW!? hahahha. :D it's sick that he didn't even realised he hurt me!?

"owww..~"
"what happened?"
"nothing!?!!!!!!?"

it's also sick how he had to LOOK for me after every crowd. he'd be turning left and right like, where did lela disappear??? and i would pop up behind him with a smirk on my face, like heh you had to LOOK for me that's hilarious.

i hate crowds!!!!! so much!?

OH of course. saw emy:D hannan spotted her first. was like, "hey that's haney right...wanna go talk to her? " i was like who the hell is haney.... HAHAHA. IT'S EMY LAAA.

i hate crowds in mrt trains too. hoho i hate that with a passion. i mean, chances are you'd get separated from your friend in the train with so many people in it. to think i could savour the last moments til the next time we hang out again but nooo. he was all the way theeere and i was all the way heeeere. haha it was so silly. i was raging. no proper goodbyes. but what the heck:D we'll be meeting again soon, i hope. i owe him 2 bucks. (just an excuse to meet again, really..)

so i dropped at yio chu kang. where i bumped into a friend, who apparently saw me at CGH that friday.

"omg you're a nurse!"
"no la i'm a pirate. yea."
"......haha! no, you are so a nurse."

nerr..get over it already? :P
Someone special blogged @ 10:53 PM l

there are many reasons why i love my mother. ..okay not that many. but definitely one of it has got to be the fact that even though she's unreasonable and she doesn't always approve of what i do(mothers!), she still respects me not only as her daughter, but also as an individual.

like in this case, she knows i'm mad at her. so now as we speak, she is keeping her distance. she doesn't even seem to mind that i am having Chris Brown up on the stereo pretty loud and i had left my stockings unsightly lying in the middle of the room.

she knows i'm mad at her, for i am displaying my wrath by doing the things which normally would have incurred hers. but she's totally awright with it, because she knows i'm at her! and she knows i should be! she doesn't go, "HEY i'm your mother you have no right to be mad at me." because HEY we all know us kids have ALL the rights in the world to be mad at our parents.

i mean, 3 weeks, i haven't had a social life for 21 days!!!! i can't believe she wouldn't let me hang out!? some more in 2 or 3 days, it would be the fasting month. try hanging out during the fasting month. try resisting the temptation of buying your favourite iced blended drink from Sweet Talk. TRY LA:D

so i'm kind of not speaking to momster :( and/but she respects that i'm not speaking to her :S okay i'm flustered.

but hey i love my mother.

but i'm not speaking to her! (yet) exasperation is still very raw. i want to throw some stuff.

haha ceh. no la, i'll be fine. i mean, it's only MY SOCIAL LIFE. THAT'S ALL. I'LL PASS. sheesh kebabs.

heh.

i guess i'm watching Charmed in the living room tonight.

OKAY!!!!! while i'm at it, i'll share something with you, how about that? HMMM.. let's talk about my hospital posting in Changi General Hospital:D:D

OMG I CAN'T WAIT to get to the juicy deets, and nasty bits. i hope you're sitting down. of course you are. i just meant to say that this is going to be the ultimate shit that's going to have you overwhelmed and while you're at it, i want it to be a comfortable reading experience for you.

OH GET ON WITH IT, LELA. SERIOUSLY.

11th september: supposedly my first day. but let's say something happened to me:D so i wasn't present. HAHAHHAHHAHAHA. I KNOW. this is between maggie, yuwen, evelyn, durrani, christopher and ..myself, of course: I screwed it, didn't i!!!!? HAHAHA.

so tuesday was my very first day. the 12th. morning fecking shift. define morning la please. i'm talking about an ungodly hour of 7am. and ang mo kio and changi is not so near, mind you! MIND YOU! so waking up is a bitch. no matter how much you love your job, seriously, waking up at 4am is just insane.

maggie picked me up at 6.30am. as in, really. picked me up. in her car. i thought her father would be driving but there she was at the front seat, rolling down the window and laughing at my stupid face.

"aweshum, mags," i said, recovering swiftly.
"so are you going to come in?" she asked.
"NO."

HAHAHAHAH.

"just kidding!" (actually no)
"you need me to open the door for you too?"
"no! i'm fine!!"

we reached the hospital on time, and in one piece:D heh actually i was just stretching. she wasn't that bad a driver la. she's perfectly fine. i was just messing with you:D

to tell you the truth, i was scared shit on my first day. no, not because of maggie's driving. scared shit. seriously. apprehensive, because i had no idea what was going to happen. to make it worst, Xiran was like, "oh you. the one on MC yesterday, is it?"

i nodded my head vigorously.

"heh good luck, man."

so i chickened out, turned and left the building.

HAHA.
Someone special blogged @ 7:46 PM l

kind of.

"how was attachments?"
"FUN!!"
"..."
"...:D"
"and it was fun because?"
"oh! learnt alot of stuff and stuff like that. and i made a couple of aweshum friends."
"...that's good."
"...:D"
"so what do you learn?"
"oh so much to mention!!!!"
"........okay......:)"
"......yea.. :D great experience."
"hm."

OKAY so i'm not much of a talker :(:( i'm not used to it, okay??? not used to people listening. i mean, since when people listen? since when people want to know? like sincerely? kind of scary, with the questions and the expectant look as they wait eagerly to hear what i have to say.

i have alot of say, most of the time. but... yea. rather not. but i'm okay though! i'm just saying:D

their names are steven and salihini. ....:D okay the latter, i ain't so sure.... but i know it starts with an 's'!!!

i brought a huge bag with me to the hospital. so i could stuff in all the pamphlets that's found at the health education corner at CGH:D and i mean, ALL. i heard they would come in handy. so the bag was heavy as a sack of shit. when durrani helped me with it, he was like, "you planning a runaway or something!?" and i was like SHHH!!!!

things happen for a reason. it was a blessing in disguise. now i know why the factory mom used to work at has closed down.so she doesn't work now, so that she is able to be there for the three of us: what with syak and her PSLE, lina adjusting to..her new school. and me...just being me and needing my mother 24/7 :) mummy's girl? uh. :D

people always leave ey? i hope you make an exception please. because i dare not say i'm at this stage where i'm immune to people coming and going. that would be the greatest lie ever told. and i'm no liar.

..in this case, i'm not la..

i wish i could fold you like a piece of paper and keep you in the pocket of my favourite pair of jeans so i will never lose you.

i never wash that jeans, see.

:) hope to see you people soon.
Someone special blogged @ 10:16 AM l

i think i'm keeping my hair long. uh yea i'm over the mohawk phase. outgrown the mohawk phase, you can say that. okay. it's just that afro and mohawk kind of don't go together.

i'll tell you another thing that doesn't go together.

chips and nurse uniform.

:D i was in the bus on the way home from the hospital, stuffing the face with potato chips. in my uniform. talk about unprofessional. but i guess a junkie gots to do what a junkie gots to do! HAH.

haven't had caffeine too. so i had some. so maybe that explains this.

i made two new ite friends :)

i will find out their names tomorrow. haha! but yea. they're great people, great nurses. call me bias but i'm really just female so let me boldly state: male nurses are very sexy. when i saw him feeding this patient, my heart just soared. i mean it's rare to see guys go maternal :D like totally leave aside the man pride.

though i'm having hell of a fun time, i'm missing my girls terribly :(


Someone special blogged @ 11:31 PM l

here are a list of what i was ..am.. deprived off during the conduct of my attachments:

1. no social life: AAAAHH. an understatement!? :( had rejected ernest twice(HEH) and then kanna rejected when i needed him the most(AARGH!?) and not making plans to meet up with my girls because everything is fecked up straight from the heart tell me what do you do when it all falls apaart

......i don't know what my friends are doing, how they are coping and stuff. probably having fun without me! xP

2. oh yes. and the fact that i hadn't sung my song at all these past weeks!! i didn't sing along to any songs on the radio, not a hum in the shower whatsoever! i don't even listen to any music. my mind is thaat occupied by, for once, other stuffs instead of the usual daydreaming.

more like, i've been so unaware of the world.

like i only found out that OUR IVAN LOH has taken part in a dj championship on 987fm? HAHA!? what is he thinking.

okay laa, i think he'll make an aweshum dj. he has a lot to say, that guy. i'll miss psycho(logy) lectures with him.

CLICK HERE!

but here is what i gain from this attachment

1. i make new friends.

kind of :(

i have a bad feeling the year 2s don't quite like me. i get the vibe la sayang. yea. well. probably misundertood me and misinterpreted my shyness and reserved nature as being arrogant and unfriendly.

then again i name a few who ain't judgemental of me: christopher(he is like the blonde in the group:D), durrani(he is my funny SENIOR), desmond from ite(he has the face you just love to love), siti(the Staff Nurse who i am secretly in Like with), winnie and li dan(the other year2s). aaaaand i've come to know evelyn, maggie and yuwen so so so much better:)

those mentioned above are aweshum people and they make aweshum nurses:) even though sometimes

1. maggie leaves me to measure BP(blood pressure) ..Manually... without the stetoscope and
2. thermoscan would mysteriously dissapear whenever yuwen is around and
3. christopher talks cock("i pick nursing because i like nature.") and sometimes
4. durrani gets me into trouble whenever he gets into a verbal fight with evelyn("don't believe ask Lela! she's my JUNIOR.") and speaking of evelyn,
5. if you need a favour from her, she'd demand for 50 bucks. either that, or she'll try 10001 ways to annoy you and in the end you'll forget what was it you wanted from her.

it's amazing how the patients can make you feel in return. sometimes they make aweshum listeners. that is if they're not in any sort of critical pain la. and helping them helps build myself. yea! every time i've done a job well done, i feel like i can do anything. nursing, frankly, is not a glamourous job so don't expect to hear anything fancy. inspirational? i hope. humourous? i'll make it humourous :D
Someone special blogged @ 4:54 PM l

POP THE CHAMPAIGN.

campaigne? champaigne? :( this is what happens when you don't write!! rusty! rusty! all rusty!!! :(:( i realised that this whole attachments deal has deprived me of my usual, well, blogging. and i haven't had the luxury to sit back, reflect and pick my nose. i meant, sit back, reflect and ponder.

the ward is an observer's kaleidoscope. unfortunately so much is happening you can't really stop to really see and appreciate.. and jot down those fleeting thoughts. yes, even though i know i am thrown there to put my nursing skills to practise but unless you're me, a lunatic budding writer, you wouldn't understand how crucial it is to have these thoughts written. you may never know when you might need them.

and i kind of need them. now. because how else am i suppose to be inspired to complete a book filled with my ward attachment experience without the deets and shit?

so bear with me as i attempt to shed some light on my never-ending train of random, quirky but highly relevant(so i'd liked you all to believe) thoughts.

i feel like writing instead of typing. because my left fingers are kind of sore: the past hours i've been on the guitar and i didn't stop. felt good, man!! 2 weeks of no playing. major deprivation we're talking here okay. so i'll be right back with a real update real soon.

funny how i make-believe that i've a pool of hardcore friends:)
Someone special blogged @ 8:20 PM l

you've been missed:D ohhhhh my gourd. there's so much to tell you. AAAHHH. i don't know where to start!!! okay okay my exam results, how about that!!! yea?? yea???? well!!! i passed!? like, all the fecking modules??? including physcology. uh. pychology? okay i forgot the spelling. psychology!!! yea! i passed that too!! remember i didn't attend a lecture which happened to be the one mr. ivan loh conducted a test that was 10% of the whole paper? yea?? yea???? well, i got a C+!

HAHA. IN YOUR FACE:D

..hey it's not bad, a C+. it's 65% to 70%. hoho. who's the man!!! LELAAAaaaaaa.

okay i've got no As. But it's cool. i've no Cs too:D

for the laaast time: it's C+. OKAY??? PLUSSSS..

i miss you:D

okay i wish someone invented a ..mind type writer? whatever thoughts that's going on in your head are typed out or something:D spare me the agony of trying to recollect those fleeting thoughts and ideas and inspirations!!! where am i getting at?? im about to get there.

it is possible to get yourself sick when you worry too much shit. UH HUH. i'm just saying.... and when you're sick, i believe that's when your head starts to go crazy. .....in my case, it's a good thing. to an extent, that is(i'm looking on the bright side). was in the bus on the way home from hospital and whoa! up there? you know?? CRAZY.

im talking about inspirations? yea? yea. aweshum stuff. can say the coolest stuff i've came up with so far are ones where i am stuck in a bus journey, with a sore ass and legs.

i was itching to write it down. but the thing about buses: no privacy! and the bumpy ride can sometimes make you go insane.

:( i am trying to recall all that cool stuff. pray i could. you'll be seeing the most aweshum shit.

i feel a sense of loss now. loss and emptiness. TAK BULEH TAHAN. i hope i get the exact same inspiration really soon:( i. need. to. just. rememberrrrrr..!! AAARGH. i hope someone invent a mind type writer.

OKAY. my hospital attachments so far???? :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D HMMMM.

okay give me a second because my mind kind of just crashed because there are soooo much to share!!!!! i'll blog when time is on my side(sunday. as in next sunday:O).

let's just say that my body is all drained from all the work, but my soul is full:)

and i love my momster many many:):) LOVE YOU, MOMMEYYY. love you with all my heart and soul:)
Someone special blogged @ 6:52 PM l

YOU GAME?
i am annoyed with myself. very annoyed. i don't understand the stuff i do to myself. i don't quite like it, but there i go ahead with it. it's like declaring you're on a diet, but there you are queuing for a Ramley Burger. i know i often contradict, but this is just too much la.

it's odd.. when i'm emofied, every body keeps their distance. it's odd because in my family, if you're emo, or behaving slightly different from normal, you'll kanna laughed at. i guess i'm ugly when i'm moody.

ohmy there's so much on my to-do list.

1. have fun
2. have more fun
3. have lots of more fun
4. have lots and lots of more fun
5. have lots and lots and lots of more fun

i think you get the drift:)

waiting can be fun.
Someone special blogged @ 12:08 PM l

this song has been in my head since morning.

i'm a creep, i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?
i don't belong here
i don't care if it hurts
i want to have control
i want a perfect body
i want a perfect soul
i want you to notice
when i'm not around
you're so fucking special
i wish i was special

sheeeeeeeeee's running out agaaaaaaaaain.
sheeeeeeeeee's running out again, yeaa, aah..ahh..aaaaaahhhhh

haha i like the howling part:D Creep, by radiohead. aww, they're singing about you and me:)

so it's friday :) final day of clinical attachment. bittersweet :) call me crazy, i think i'll miss this. at the same time, i'm kind of glad it's over! no more waking up early, trying to catch the 7am 165 bus, trying to stay awake in the 165 bus so as not to miss the stop, trying to remember i'm in my uniform and it's crucial that i don't do anything wrong.... oh you know, like pick my nose when i think nobody's looking when in an actual fact, everybody is.

not that i do la. RELAX. you can come back now, hello! that was just an example!

speaking of uniform..i respect my uniform and i am darn proud of being a nurse. but when you're out there and you have your uniform on, it sucks. you have to be extra extra careful and aware and conscious of the public. when you think of doing something, think again. because you're constantly being scrutinized. don't want to be seen as unprofessional, do we?

oh i'll definitely miss hougang polyclinic:D i'll miss the staff. NOT. HA HA. just the two yeo's: our preceptor and staff nurse cindy yeo:D one is super nice and the other super eccentric:) hmm..oh, i'll miss walking to hougang mall after attachment with shirin and xiu ling to get food from Old Chang Kee and drinks from Sweet Talk:D

mann i'll miss those two!!!! and i've known them for only 5 days?? but i love them already! i'd scream and cry if i see them around campus one day:) i'd scream and cry if i see HIM around campus one day:D AAAHHH. i hope semester 2 starts already!! come on come on come onnn!!!! :D

was supposed to meet tabsy, sammy ann, hannin and danin(tabitha, sam ann, hannan and daniel) at icekimo after my attachments. but HEY:) .........okay i can't think of an excuse. i guess i was just.......... ......... ...... yea, can't think of an excuse.

i know this is super random but check out these naaaames:

Danny Akid Lim
Harris Isaac
Harry Gunawan
Farisha Shafiyyah
Remus Lee (!!! all time fav!!!)
Myori Hoo
Ryan Syabil
Muhamed Ridho (?)
(best for the last) Muhammad Hanin Adhwa' Nabil Putra

and i hadn't include the father's name yet you know! (didn't get to, because his own name is so long, i didn't had time to write the full name.)

crazy isn't it! whaaat their parents thinking.... if i had a son, i'd simply call him Fuad:D (it's named after this guy from my Quran class:D he's just AWESHUM. when he reads, i get blown away. every week. but i try not to show it la. i don't think his wife would be pleased if she finds out her husband's got a young secret admirer.)

stiiill considering that mohawk haircut... yea so momster will flip. ..and then she'll flip me out the door after that........... oh well.
Someone special blogged @ 11:30 PM l

apparently this one's a bitch to read so here goes:

it kind of suck when there's a huge clock in the room and everytime you turn, you can't help but lay your eyes on it. because it's right there, so obvious, so mocking! like, hoho imma keep reminding you of the time and how screwed you will be in this agonizing 5 hours in this DRP room with nothing to keep yourself sane!! hoho!! it's 0825.

i am tempted to make an SOS. SMS, i mean. but to who? who would be up at such an ungodly hour? time: 0835.

i want to be aunt agony. tabitha has made me realise i'm pretty good at giving advices and listening to people. and also sounding conceit, you say? come on, i'm not thick and you know it :)

okay fine so i'm only 17 and lacking in the experience department but hey, anything that comes from the heart is good enough isn't it? i really want to help people and make them laugh. i should be a clown, not a nurse. but hey, i'm willing to work on my communication skills :) yea i'm serious. time: 0840. what! that was only 5 minutes!?

actually i don't mind standing here for the next 4 hours or so with nothing learnt. as long as i have paper and pen, i'm content. i've a feeling i might need another paper pretty soon. time: 0845. seriously!!?

i wonder if i can get up and steal a paper or two without making any noise. there's a pregnant SN(staff nurse) in the room and i do not want to provoke her:D time: 0850.

running out of space!!! im going to die in boredom. there's not even an open window i can jump down frm. HAHA. 0852.

i'd be in trouble if i drop this paper and it gets in the hands of my receptor........then i wouldn't know my schedule for friday. HA HA. 0855. fly, time, fly! fly like you never flew before and we all know you have! so do it atimes faster. SOAR!

this written on my schedule paper, see.. 'then i found' a paper and started going crazy: (click for larger image and read from there la hor:D)



COMMENTS, yea??? xD THANKS.
Someone special blogged @ 7:10 PM l

you had me at 'byee'!!!!

i've been on friendster the past hour(lina's account), hoping to "come across" his profile...? like how desperate is that. HA HA. eh please can? don't judge mexD im just your normal teenage girl. okay maybe not so normal la.

clinical attachment day 3 = LOTS OF FUN = so many stuff to share = would take the whole night = blogging tomorrow for it's almost midnight = you experiencing withdrawal symptoms as there won't be any entry for today.

BYEE
Someone special blogged @ 11:22 PM l

clinical is fun!!! xD i feel like home already. i love my fellow nurses. we click like nobody's business. i can name all 7 of them: shirin, natlie, wan ping, safina, ..one china girl.. xio leng, abbie, mei li, .. okay i kind of made up the last 3 names. HAHA. but yea. they very nice nice people:D ...i will take the effort of remembering their names.

hougang polyclinic is a very busy busy busy place. crawling with citizens of all shapes and sizes. 7.40am, and there are already people waiting outside!

the 'attaching' part is very tiring, especially if you get a boring staff nurse who does an aweshum job at ignoring you and there is absolutely nothing for you to do. even the most boring job/'station'/room/department, like Care Managing can be fun if the staff nurse there doesn't treat you like a wallpaper.

most of the patients bring smiles to my face la:) especially the old folks. ..actually, only the old folks... because they are so extra smiley! very generous with their smiles. so what if i don't understand them half the time.

i was stationed at the Care Managing department on my first morning. basically it's where counselling on diabetes and hypertention etc takes place. usually the patients that come in are the senior ones. and they usually speak dialects. so most of the time i was left completely clueless :( but nevertheless, one of the staff nurse there was really nice. she briefly translated most of the conversations for me:D

i see how easy the nurses talk with the patients. and i like that. nothing beats having someone to trust you so much, and rely on you and look up to you like you're superwoman that sort of thing. i think i can live with that:D but yea, with great powers come great responsibilities. gaining a trust is one thing, holding on to it is another. both require a little work on your part. okay, not little but a lot. mistakes are almost unacceptable. once you lose someone's trust, it's going to be a bitch to get back it.

then in the afternoon, i was at the Immunisation department for infants/toddlers. filled with kids' cries, i tell you! so it was quite interesting.. heheheh. not being sadistic but HEY, at least some action here right? haaaahahahhaha.

cheers for staff nurse of this department:) she taught me alot of stuff. i know so much now you can quiz me, be my guest. not being cocky but damn knowledge is powerrr! i won't feel vulnerable no more; i used to fear being stopped by a patient along the corridor: "missy ar. what immunization must my 18-month-old daughter get?" me: "uhhhh............-bolts into staff room and hides there"

i noticed this, before the nurses injected the needle into the infants, they would sing a nursery rhyme.........then followed by a loud piercing wail. from the infant, of course. "twinkle twinkle little star--" "WAAAHHHHHHHH."

this staff nurse(you see i don't name them.. maintain confidentiality:D) rocks i tell you. she's just the coolest, the cutest, the cheekiest. she'd sing on top of her lungs(when there are no patients, so as not to scare them away). and she likes to tease anybody in her way:)

okay so that was monday. when i got home i was so dead beat la. guess i wasn't used to it. WELL TODAY, was more chilled-out:) because after 12, we were GONE. ..headed bukit batok polyclinic for some ..task..... will get to that.

tuesday morning, i was at the Women's Screening. this lady came in for a pap smear(a test to detect cells that might develop into cancer of cervix) and a breast examination and i was there to observe. she was so spontaneous la: "yea, i don't mind. we're all ladies here." and down came her jeans and panties.

if you undergo a pap smear, you'll have a speculum up your vagina. and it literally widens it apart and you can see the opening of the cervix. okay, not you la because you'll be lying down butt naked and legs apart. well, i got to see the plastic instrument being shoved ..gently.. up the lady's vagigi(:D). i expected her to cringe or moan ..in pain, that is, but she had a straight face throughout. aweshum..

what a hell of an experience la.

next room was on Family Planning. SN(staff nurse): "do you read malay?" .....no i read spanish. "yea, i read malay." shoved a pamphlet on contraceptives written in bahasa melayu into my hands and she busied herself with the patients....... ..fine. browsed the pamphlet and realised i didn't understand half the terms in it. no, im not proud of myself, thank you very much!?

it was 12 and the eight of us headed for bukit batok polyclinic. it was practically empty! compared to hougang's! the reason we were there because we had to check out the Nursing Gallery of Museum which is INSIDE the poly itself. yea! how convenient(not really). and this friday there would be a test on it. there.

there were a couple of other groups as well:) and there's this guy la:) heh. AWRIGHT lela's got a crush! like finally? i was beginning to think something is wrong with me:):) must find out his name.. :D one of my girls are in the same tutorial class at him. YESSAAAA!!!!

so to bump into him and his friend at bukit batok interchange again was just crazy la xD and we smiled and said goodbye.................. i kept rewinding that 2 seconds... heh. guys in nurse uniform is like damn hot la:D

i had so much fun with shirin and xio leng. shirin and i share the love for old chang kee:D and the fact that old chang kee is just a walking distance from our polyclinic.... ow man life is good:) and xio leng is just the craziest, yet at the same time very chill-out. at first impression, you'd think she's just this can't-be-bothered-even-if-the-ground-splits-in-two chick. but really, that's just how she LOOKS like. she's definitely cool and funny. reminds me of sriee minus the sarcasm.

the 3 of us click instantly. had so much laughter. can't wait to see them tomorrow!!!!!!!

so there:)
Someone special blogged @ 9:32 PM l

i'm nursing a headache right now, and i just found out the horrible news. mr. steve irwin has passed on:( man.. he was such an aweshum person. he did so much. i used to really look up to him. from one animal lover to another. we feel the loss, me and my mom. she's a huge fan too.

rest in peace, mr. crocodile hunter.

so many things to share with you. what with today being my first clinical posting:) but maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words. right now i just want to cuddle under my blanket and dream.

yes. it's only eight.


Someone special blogged @ 7:52 PM l

i am a girl of a few words. sometimes i don't even say anything at all. so when i do, it's always the wrong things. whys that. i am annoying and i am screwed. for the 24291994726th time since i was born. yea believe it x(

imma shut my mouth and let mr. john mayer do the talking.

My stupid mouth has got me in trouble
I said too much again
To a date over dinner yesterday
And I could see
She was offended
She said "well anyway..."
Just dying for a subject change

Oh, another social casualty
Score one more for me
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one soon

We bit our lips
She looked out the window
Rolling tiny balls of napkin paper
I played a quick game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker
And I could see clearly
An indelible line was drawn
Between what was good, what just slipped out and what wentwrong

Oh, the way she feels about me has changed
Thanks for playing, try again.
How could I forget?
Mama said "think before speaking"
No filter in my head
Oh, what's a boy to do
I guess he better find one

I'm never speaking up again
It only hurts me
I'd rather be a mystery
Than she desert me

Oh I'm never speaking up again
Starting now

One more thing
Why is it my fault?
So maybe I try too hard
But it's all because of this desire
I just wanna be liked
I just wanna be funny
Looks like the jokes on me
So call me captain backfire
Someone special blogged @ 2:19 AM l

i know ryan and i kind of have this weird fetish for caffeine, but ..an ad featuring nescafe is a tad too much, isnt it?
EH actually the pre orientation at CGH wasn't that bad:) i was kind of early because momster was paranoid. ..uh huh, you read it right! nothing's wrong with that sentence. i was early because of MY mother paranoia. so she cabbed me to the hospital and decided to 'chill out' with me while i waited for evelyn, yuwen and maggie.

during the 'lecture' at the auditorium, yuwen was like, "omg lela? you don't look tired or sleepy or anything la." as if on cue, evelyn beside me stifled a yawn. yessa! the coffee helped! while most of them were nodding off, i was like all psyched, pen to paper ready to scribble down any relevant information.

i think the lecture was interesting:D the nurse educator is funny:D frank and straightforward, but funny. she stressed on the seriousness of this occupation and yes it's noble but it's not all fun and games.... lives are at stake!!! a life can be taken away so simply:(

at the end of it i was like, OMG. nursing, is this really the profession for me? i mean, i have the goddamn Passion and GrooveDrive to help people but do i have the Capability and the Commitment and the Competence? i can be very blur and there are those occasional blonde moments im not very proud of!!!?

..maybe coffee can help boost my esteem??

time will steal all away from me. as monday is the start of my clinical attachment at hougang polyclinic. look out for this space, my brothers and sisters. ...yea okay. carisa said polyclinic ain't much, just observing. i love observing i think i can do this.

let my journey unfolds? yea? i'll try to update. and i will also try to be there. for those who know they can depend on me...(very quiet these days..sad i couldn't spend any time with you guys. and it's saturday already.)

:)POP OUT THE GOODIES.
Someone special blogged @ 8:35 PM l

you know i just had this crazy idea:) holler you down("and please bring a spoon along") and we'll meet at our usual chill out spot and i surprise you with Ben&Jerry's:) cheery garcia for ME and chunky monkey for you! and then peanut butter chocolate chunk for all of us!!!!! and we'll talk about anything and everything under the sun. i'll do most of the talking this time la.

..it is crazy. do you know how much it cost, a B&J's???? :D

teacher's day yesterday? well so i came at around eleven, missed most of the concert, but still on time to watch my homies' performance:)

tabi's voice was pleasant. dan's guitar solo was thumbs-up!! and hannan was sooo cool. maybe it's the whole drummer's image la. but please girls?? chill it, alright? there was once we were like standing along the coridor, because there were so many people and we were stuck. then this group of some unknown girls were like, "AHH. we love you, hannan!" and he, being the man that he is, smiled and waved at them.

i was like, what was that......how did they know your name? who are they again???? he gave me a shrug and tried to act like he didn't care, but it was so obvious the pleasure on his face!!! BOYS!!

after the performance... yea, we got stuck. "it's so crowded," he said. "you hate crowds, right lela." i was like yea and i hate silly, screaming girls declaring their undying love for someone they don't even know?? is it obvious i'm jealous?? HAHAHA. i mean, it's just so silly!

next thing i knew it was EMY going, "EH LELAA!" it was just something about the way she hollered my name la. and there was also something about the way she hugged. ..think arnold swachzenagger squeezing the wet sponge til the last drop. yea i've always wanted to hug her. so when she went, "lela can i hug you?" i was like hell yea?

more like, "hell yea sure-Owww!!"

we went teacher-hunting.

there was miss khai who reminded me of this hysterical bouncy ball, spreading so much excitement: "OMG. you guys(the band) are great. tabitha right? your voice is powerful. and you look so great up there? i mean, you were like nerds in school but up there, you were crazy!

"and you!" turned to daniel. "whatever solo shit you did with the guitar? it was so good!" turned back to tabitha and gushed. "you are so so good! AAHH!" to hannan. "omg hannan you are the coolest. i was like, thats my student! my student!!!!"

and finally to wenhao. and she looked temporarily shocked because he's grown and more built now. a short pause and:"yea you're good!" i think she meant his physique;) because she kind of brushed against his chest and was like wah. and we all laughed. wenhao's got like 8 packs, okay!?

"but you don't look like a nurse," miss khai said to me. .... :D

daniel was soooo funny though, when she forgotten some of the names, he was helpful: miss k pointed at meiyun and he went, "that's yun mei." and tze yun became rachel. and hannan became hanif? i was like what!!!??? for some reason i was the only one laughing my head off.

there was mrs. han who went crazy too: "you all have got talents! talents!!!! muaaahahahahaha!" okay i made the evil laughter up apparently:) but yea!! she was so crazy. like she couldn't believe her eyes and ears. well, blame the school for not having this sort of performance before, where the students volunteered to come up with an item or something.

unfortunately we couldn't see teachers we wanted to see. like miss angela lim, mr cheng, cikgu majidah!!!?:( bumped into dennis goh alot of times but i just dodged him. yea im that good:)

i was torn between joining them for sushi or the 'class gathering' with ryan and joan. then just as i was making my mind, tabi went something like this, "hey hannan, you know what? my friends were like screaming your name throughout the concert and when i was blocking you, they moved the other side....."

hannan did a bad attempt at keeping his cool. "really!!?" and then i told them, i'll be gone and i was gone. HAHAHHA.
Someone special blogged @ 12:49 PM l

JustLELA


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